Hello, I hope you are having a great Christmas break! I had quite a busy December with deadlines and then a couple of weeks off watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate, which, despite everything, turned out to be pretty perfect. I am a Christmas maniac, as you may already know, which comes with it’s perks but also some faults. The biggest problem with loving Christmas so much is not knowing how to feel when it’s over; after a month of the cheesiest Hallmark movies, going back to reality can be more than a little difficult, especially this year, with the dreariness of Januaries to come.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: I’m not a fan of New Year’s Eve. I find myself both hopeful for what the new year will bring and pessimistic about the disappointment my hopes and resolutions may cause. This year especially has been pretty crazy to say the least, and I’ve heard so many people say they can’t wait for it to be over. However, what scares me is the uncertainty of the year ahead. So instead of making resolutions and saying ‘new year, new me’, I think it’s time to give ourselves a break and a clap on the back for getting through the year that has already been.
I have spent so much of the past year wising I could travel and go out normally with my friends, to live my early twenties the way I thought I was supposed to. I’ve worried about where I am in my life compared to where I had planned to be, if I am on track to whatever it is I want to do with my life and trying to work out what it even is I want to do to begin with. With my university graduation looming, more and more people have asked me what I’m going to do next- the most dreaded question to be honest- and in my head I think that everyone else my age has a clear plan for their next step. But the truth is, I have realised, very few people actually know. Every one of my friends has uncertainty about their next step. One of my best friends actually said recently, very philosophically in my opinion, to stop worrying since the only one putting so much pressure on your having a ‘plan’ is you. Sometimes you just have to hope everything falls into place. If you are in the same place as me, I have no advice to give right now- maybe ask me in ten years- but hopefully knowing there are other people with very little clue on what to do next will help.
Anyway, in those moments when my anxieties trap me inside my head, I try to have faith that things will fall into place eventually and remind myself of my fortune, especially in a year when so many people have lost someone special or have been plagued with the concern of catching coronavirus.
My point is, as much as I’m scared if I don’t achieve anything, if I don’t grow ‘enough’ as an adult by 2022, all any of us can do is our best, and with a global pandemic to deal with, who knows how good that will be. If this year has done anything, it has reminded me to appreciate where I already am. I hope I will look back and think of all the time I got to spend with my family that I would never have had otherwise- despite all the worrying I do, I know how lucky I am to have that. Life happens in the moments we don’t plan, so I’m just going to try my best with it.
Let’s hope we can give each other a hug in 2021.